


Thirty Seconds

by thephilosophersapprentice



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Flashbacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, hell is cold, not the memory kind, the negative emotion bomb kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 09:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18938362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thephilosophersapprentice/pseuds/thephilosophersapprentice
Summary: No matter how many times he told himself he wasn't there, part of him only felt the cold and smelled the salt and chilled animal fat and drove his heart into abject terror.A trip into the cold room at the Curtises' butcher shop forces Ed to confront the memory of another dark, cold storeroom and the worst five minutes of his twelve-year-old life.





	Thirty Seconds

Thirty seconds. He didn’t have to be in there any longer. Just thirty seconds.

He wasn’t going to go back for his coat. He at least had his jacket this time, and what was that? “This time”? This was nothing like that. Not a repeat. Just thirty seconds of cold and the smell of cold fat and salt. He could deal with this.

Investigations had cold storage. Did Hughes hate it too, with its smell of refrigerant and cold rot and the heavy weight of death hanging on the air? It was hard to reconcile the thought of the cheerful family man with this cold silence.

“Edward.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Teacher’s voice, heart hammering out of his chest, panic screaming _run run run_ in his ears even though she would never actually harm him.

“You’ve been standing here for the past two minutes.” There was neither judgement nor open concern in Teacher’s voice. _Weak, stupid—_ what if she decided he was unworthy to wear her crest?

He dredged up his best confident smile. “I just don’t like the cold.” He stepped inside and no, he was not there, _not there not there_ —

“Edward.” Teacher’s tone was even, quiet. “I’ll come with you.”

It took much longer than thirty seconds to get the bacon from the storeroom, and Teacher was beside him every step of the way, every time he froze up and had to force himself to start moving again, every time his breathing hitched at the mist of his own breath. Then, finally, they were outside and the air wasn’t oppressive, just twitchy.

“I was stupid.” The admission came tumbling out, surprising him. “I got cocky. I thought I had things handled when I’d really taken them for granted.”

The whole story came pouring out, about the murdered woman and the child whose story he never learned, Winry’s kidnapping, Barry… those minutes of heart-stopping terror and blind panic, the shame and fear and cold that still gripped him in the memory.

When it was over, he didn’t dare look up.

“Edward.” Teacher’s voice was as quiet and even as ever. “You survived. You didn’t lose your place in the flow. I taught you to accept the flow, but you should know by now that the inverse is also true, that while accepting the flow you must also assert your place in it. I can not fight your battles for you, and I will not help you avoid them, but that doesn’t mean you have to fight them alone.”

He looked up. Teacher was smiling—a faint, washed-out, faded, regret-filled smile, but a smile nonetheless. “It’s a heavy thing to carry, isn’t it.”

“It’s mine to carry.”

Teacher nodded, her hand brushing over his shoulder blade, where the wings of their crest still strove to slip the weighty bonds of the earth and soar again to meet the sun.

**Author's Note:**

> Part of why the 2003 Fullmetal Alchemist adaption was so dark was partly due to how Barry's story was told in the anime. The confrontation with Barry was probably the most traumatic experience Ed had faced at that point, even compared with Majahal's death. And you know who else has a butcher shop and a cold room? Yep. The Curtises.
> 
> I also didn't realize the relevance of the phrase "thirty seconds" until I went to post this. Oops. Sorry if I baited you in with promises of Hughes and Mustang bromance, but I can't think of a better title. Whatever.


End file.
